I'm sorry
by Koala Penguin
Summary: Do you honestly think that I could love it or even tolerate it if it killed you? Bella dies in child birth. This is a 'what next' story for a human Edward and Renesmee.


Renesmee Carlie Cullen was 14. On the outside she was the perfect princess. She was a stunning slender and graceful ballerina. The daughter of a multi-millionaire and respected philanthropist who owned a pharmaceutical company. But on the inside she knew was unlovable and inadequate - that crushed her. Renesmee never truly smiled or laughed.

Renesmee was surrounded by people who were paid to look after her. Renesmee had been brought up by a team of nannies, housekeepers and bodyguards. Every physical need; food, shelter, and warmth was seen to. But she lacked a sense of belonging and love. Edward spent all his time working and was often away at conferences or charity events. He had made millions finding cures for rare conditions but his motivation wasn't money. It was so that people didn't have to feel the excruciating pain he did at losing Bella, his beloved wife. He had watched as his wife's health had deteriorated during pregnancy and then she died during child birth. At first he couldn't accept his lost. It left him thinking that life was meaningless and empty but his work gave him a new sense of purpose and he threw himself in it. But Edward still held so much anger from his lost. The questions constantly churning in his mind were: _"Why her? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to her?"; '"Who is to blame?" _He knew it logically couldn't be Renesmee but he was blinded by grief.

The day Bella died giving birth to Renesmee Edward had unintentionally shunned his daughter and he rarely interacted with her. Edward couldn't look at Renesmee without remembering what he had lost. He ignored her and he couldn't see the damage that that was being done to Renesmee's self-esteem. Edward thought it was best if he stayed away so that he couldn't hurt her with his irrational anger towards her.

But ever since Renesmee was born, she felt her father blamed her for taking all the happiness that her mother had given him away. Her grandparents, uncles and aunts tried to tell her that he was shattered with mourning and lost in grief but that he still loved her. She knew better. Her father despised her and wished she hadn't existed. Renesmee thought it would've been better if she had died rather than her beautiful kind mother. She remembered the day well when her father finally put her out of her misery and told her what she had done wrong:

"_Father are you ok?" Renesmee timidly addressed her father. She had heard him cry._

"_It's your fault. She would be here if she didn't insist on keeping you. She didn't have to die." Edward sobbed bitterly in his armchair clutching a whisky glass with one hand and gripping his hair with the other. "She was everything and you took her away."_

"_I'm sorry, father. I'm sorry." Renesmee quietly crept away and cried in her room finally understanding why her father couldn't stand her._

Her grandparents, uncles and aunts doted on her; they brought her presents and took her out to the theatre and cinema. She was their little ballerina. They went to all her ballet recitals and praised her lavishly. They tried to protect her from her father's bitterness and resentment. But they didn't know her. She didn't trust them not to turn on her and abandon her like her father did. She hid herself behind the persona of the ballerina, a picture of elegance and grace, so they couldn't see the monster within. The murderer. The killer.

At first Renesmee loved to dance and was amazingly talented at ballet. When she wasn't at school it was all she did. Practice. Practice. Practice. But ballet turned into something much more than a passion. It began to control and dominate her every thought and action.

Renesmee's ballet teacher lashed out at her once with a meter rule that she used to keep count. Renesmee didn't tell anyone, instead she practiced hard so that she wouldn't be hit again. Renesmee knew that her family loved her because she was a ballerina and she would never do a thing to jeopardise that. She came back the next day much to her ballet teacher's surprise and was more compliant than ever before. Her ballet teacher realised then that Renesmee had kept quiet about being hurt and that she had Renesmee under her thumb. Her teacher wanted her to succeed, to be a world renowned ballerina, so that her school would be considered one of the best in the world. Renesmee's success would bring the teacher money and kudos. Renesmee's ballet teacher had taken to physically punishing her to correct moves and positions. Renesmee thought that at least her teacher cared if she messed up.

"_You stupid girl. You didn't keep time! I want quick moving steps to the tempo of the music. Keep the jumps smart. Brisé" Renesmee's ballet teacher stood behind her and slapped her rule against her own hand to keep time. Each sound reminded Renesmee of the times the rule had been rapped against her skin. "Repeat. If you make a single fault I'll hit you with my rule. Do I make myself clear?"_

"_Arabesque. Straighten that back girl!" Another swift stroke landed on Renesmee's back with an almighty sting. Renesmee bit her lip to fight back the pain._

"_Grand Battements. Strong kicks. Pointed feet. Solid. Échappé Sauté. Jumps should be high. Grand Jeté en Avant. Quick. Smooth. Pas de Chat . Swift. Tour en L'Aire" Renesmee slipped after the series of complex moves. "I have had a enough of this! Face the barre" Renesmee trembled but she did as she was told knowing that her back was going to be on fire after her teacher was done with her. "I have spent so much time with you. This is how you repay me! Count"_

"_On the scales. You've gained weight. Grand Plié. Hold the position. Every time you gain weight I will beat you in this position! You ungrateful girl"_

Renesmee took to starving herself. She was under constant pressure to maintain a low body weight so that she could have clear lines and blade thin limbs. After spending days starving herself she would gorge on cakes, ice cream, and greasy foods. She would then try and erase the calories by throwing up.

Renesmee did everything and took everything to be the principal dancer of a major company so that she could continue to be worthy of her family's time.

Renesmee had one friend Jacob Black Jr. He was the son of his mother's best friend. They partnered up for school projects and did homework together. Jacob could see that Edward's rejection of his daughter was destroying her and that she was being physically abused by her ballet teacher but he felt powerless to protect her. Jacob could sense Renesmee's loneliness and self-loathing despite never talking about it. She felt she didn't deserve pity. Jacob wanted to tell someone what Renesmee was going through but couldn't. Jacob thought that since he was the son of a car mechanic he was a nobody and that he wouldn't be believed that Renesmee Cullen, the Washington State princess, was being hurt. All he could do was be there to comfort her.

_Renesmee was at a party. It was unusual for her to allow herself to let go and have fun but Jacob had persuaded her to come. She quickly attracted the attention of the boys there. Her elegant dance moves and sexy body standing out amongst the rest of the girls. She was passed a vodka and coke. It was more vodka than coke but having never drunk before she ran outside and threw up in a bush. Jacob followed her and held her hair as she threw up. He rubbed comforting circles on her back and noticed how she winced at the soft touch. Jacob knew exactly why Renesmee was in pain._

Renesmee was never out of the public eye. She was photographed being sick and she looked like a typical American socialite bingeing on alcohol. In no time the headlines were 'Cullen princess out of control' or 'More naughty than nice'. Edward went ballistic.

"_Have you seen this?" Edward chucked the newspaper at her._

"_It's not what it seems." Renesmee tried to defend herself meekly._

"_Nonsense. Get your act together. You are never to see that boy again." Edward ordered Renesmee._

"_Please listen…" Renesmee pleaded._

"_Get out." Edward snapped her._

Renesmee did as she was told and bowed her head in shame. After a while Renesmee realised that she craved attention from her father and this incident showed her how to get it. She had partied again and this time wildly. It hit the newspapers again. Her father had berated her. She got the attention she needed but it just added to her sense of worthlessness. That she was bad and useless.

_Renesmee was fighting for her life. She had jumped off a cliff and into the sea knowing that she could barely swim. To Jacob the only thing that was keeping her alive was the machines. _

"_She's going to make it Edward." Carlisle reassured his son after he checked his granddaughter's progress. __Edward was by his daughter's bed side distraught. He had been told that his daughter was seriously underweight and that she had endured repeated physical assaults. He didn't understand how this could have escaped his notice. Surely he would've noticed that she was unhappy._

"_Nessie." Jacob whispered as he entered her hospital room. He was shocked to see her so broken._

_Edward looked up at Jacob._"_Why are you here?" Edward demanded. He was angry that Jacob had lead Renesmee astray. It was probably Jacob's fault that Renesmee had decided to take her own life. If Jacob had anything to do with the bruises on his daughter he would make sure Jacob would wish he hadn't been born._

"_I could ask you the same." Jacob snapped back. He wasn't going to be sent away without a fight. Nessie needed him now._

_Edward lashed out "How dare you…"_

"_No. How dare you pretend to care! It was obvious she was suffering. Look how thin she is. It takes months, years even, to get like this. She winced in pain whenever someone touched her from the beatings her ballet teacher gave her. She thought she needed them. She thought if she wasn't a ballet dancer that her family wouldn't love her." Jacob stared angrily at Edward. "Do you know anything about her? Do you know what her favourite band is? What her favourite food is if she ate? What she really wants to do in life? She thinks you blame her for her mother's death. Which you do don't you? You'll be pleased to know she's taken the full responsibility for it. I tried so many times to tell her she was just a baby. The only thing that drives it from her mind is practicing under that bitch."_

_Edward realised he knew nothing about his daughter. The realisation came rushing forward and knocked him sideways. He looked again at his daughter fighting for her life and realised that he had done this to her through 14 years of neglect. He had failed to protect her and to provide her with love. Was this really the wakeup call he needed? For his daughter to be like this. Lifeless. Edward hoped that he would get a second chance. He would make it up to her._

"_How long has it been since she was first beaten?" Edward asked Jacob. The question indicated to Jacob that Edward had conceded the point. If Renesmee pulled through there was hope that Renesmee would have what she always wanted - a loving father! _

_Jacob swallowed. He also felt guilty for letting Renesmee down. He should've done something more for her. "I first saw the bruises two years ago. When I challenged her about them she said it was the way it was. She accepted that she needed to be beaten to learn. Are you going to make her ballet teacher pay?" Jacob hoped that Edward would._

"_There's no doubt about that." Edward replied in a cold and hard manner. _

_Charlie Swan entered the hospital room and stood behind Edward. He just had the pleasure of arresting Renesmee's ballet teacher after having spoken to Jacob about the welts and bruises on his granddaughter's body. Charlie had come to say his piece knowing that previous situation could no longer be allowed to continue. "Edward I know it was tough losing Bella. She was my daughter. I know you've struggled these past few years. That we've all tried to help you pick up the pieces especially where Renesmee was concerned but she needs a loving safe environment right now. If you can't be a father to her then I'll take her in on a permanent basis."_

_Renesmee's heartbeat on the monitor seemed to respond to her grandfather's words. The beat became irratic in protest. Carlisle tried to stablise Renesmee again. Edward knew he had to say something to calm his daughter down. To let know she was very much wanted. That she wasn't going to be sent away._

_Edward's tone became softer as begged his daughter to pull through "Please baby girl wake up. I'm so sorry for blocking you out of my life. You deserve so much better and if you wake up I promise to be better." _

_Edward then thought what Bella would think if she saw Renesmee now. He mentally apologised to his wife for failing their daughter._


End file.
